looking at the waves

Looking at the waves, he sits silently. The violet horizon is still, and there isn’t any noise, save for the washing waves on the shore, and the sea breeze, blowing his shoulder length hair back. He just sits and watches, holding his knees in his hands. Its early evening, and the beach is deserted. The white sand is grey in the darkness, and it stretches both ways. His face is blank, but his eyes say a lot more than he would like them to. Two pools of tangible sadness, behind a wall of clear grey steel. Through his eyes, you could see the pain, but it was too hazy. His other features were too controlled to get any confirmation. But there was no one around. And he knew there wouldn’t be for a long time. So he sat, and just watched, and the ocean watched back. The ocean tried to scare him, or at least move him in some way, but it failed and after a while it just gave up. It just washed up onto the shore, and washed back. And the sun slowly set. And the breeze became stronger.

“You enjoy sitting by yourself?” said a small mouse.

He looked down next to him, and saw the little rodent, that he could’ve sworn wasn’t there a moment ago. But it was a passing thought; had no relevance whatsoever.

“Yes”

“Why?”

“No specific reason.”

“Really?”

“Well, I can’t really talk to people. I prefer being by myself.”

“You’re talking to me”

“You’re not a person are you?”

The mouse looked out at the ocean, hoping to see if there was anything it could glean of the boy’s personality from it. So they both sat for a while, looking out at the ocean.

“Why are you here?” the mouse asked, still looking out at the ocean.

“I don’t know. Why is anyone here?”

“I’m here because I enjoy the breeze. I can’t say why anyone else is here.”

The boy chewed on some imaginary grass, and remained silent. Then he took out a small wooden flute from under his sweater, and looked at it for a while.

“Sometimes I fall in love,” said the boy. “When I do, I keep talking. I can’t stop. And I say bad things, things that I end up regretting as soon as I say them. But I still say them. And then they fall out of love with me. Yet I still love them. For a long time after that. And I feel pain and sadness. So I play my flute.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really know. I just do.”

“Does it make you feel happy?”

“Relatively”

“Relatively?”

“Yes. I forget about all the problems in my life. I forget about my bad talking habit. I forget that I have become dependant on someone else for happiness. So I feel happy.”

“But when you put your flute down, everything comes back?”

“Obviously”

“Then aren’t you dependant on your flute as well?”

“My flute is never going to fall out of love with me. It’s never been in love with me. I’ve never said anything to it.”

“So?”

“What do you mean so?”

“I mean, suppose something happens to you. Some unforeseen circumstance that doesn’t allow you to play your flute after that. Then what?”

The boy was silent. The ocean breeze rushing up the beach went through the flute, creating a soft sound.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve never thought about it?”

“That’s part of the reason I came here. I have thought about it, and here I want to just get away from it all. Nothing can happen to me on a beach.”

“You’ve come here before?”

“A few times.”

The mouse watched the dark sky, for it was dark now, and the sea was a dark moving mass that stretched behind the grey foamed waves and dull grey beach.

“Anything can happen to you here. If you come here seeking sanctuary, it is folly. Reality here is a bit different, true, but that reality is a double edged sword. Yes it is mellow and peaceful - as this beach is - most of the time, but that doesn’t meant that nothing happens. The chance of something happening is small, but should it happen, it would be monstrous in its intensity. Understand that carefully, before coming here again. You cannot run away from reality to come here. This is not an escape.” And with these words, the rodent walked away, into the darkness.

The boy still sat, and watched the sea, pondering the rodent’s words. Then he put the flute in his mouth, and began to play.